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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815026">While You're Far Away and Dreaming</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletHeart3899/pseuds/VioletHeart3899'>VioletHeart3899</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel Deserves Better (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Dean Winchester Actually Deals With Feelings, Dean Winchester Deserves Better, Dean Winchester Talks About Feelings, Dean Winchester is Protective of Castiel, Destiel Becoming Canon On 5 November 2020 (Supernatural), Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, Fix-It, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Dean Winchester, Present Tense, Quote: Y yo a ti Cas | Me too (Supernatural), Stubborn Dean Winchester, Temporary Character Death, The Empty (Supernatural), what am I doing with my life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 17:36:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,319</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27815026</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletHeart3899/pseuds/VioletHeart3899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><i>“Now you know how much my love for you</i><br/><i>burns deep in me</i><br/><i>when I forget about our emptiness,</i><br/><i>and deal with shadows as with solid things.”</i><br/><br/><i>—Dante’s <span class="u">Purgatorio</span></i><br/><br/><br/>Dean refuses to let Cas go.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>SPN Finale "Destiel is CANON" Collection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Sweet Surrender</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Inspired by a particularly haunting fanart by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/flowersforcas/">@flowersforcas</a> on Instagram, which will be linked in this chapter's end notes for the sake of avoiding plot spoilers.</p><p>Content Warning for a brief mention of past internalized biphobia towards the end of this chapter (don't worry though Dean got better).</p><p>Let's see if someone who's never actually watched a full episode of Supernatural can write somewhat better than the showrunners who literally got paid to do this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I love you.”</p><p>Dean’s breath catches in his throat as the words hang in the air.</p><p>
  <em> I love you. </em>
</p><p>That, after everything Cas just said, about Dean being selfless and caring and loving—things Dean can’t bring himself to believe even now, but if Cas is saying them then <em> Cas </em> must feel they’re true—it’s almost too much for Dean, it’s enough to get him choked up.</p><p>He has to swallow back the lump that’s formed in his throat to get out his response:</p><p>“I love you too, Cas.”</p><p>Cas smiles through the tears, and Dean’s heart jumps a little.  The flash of pure happiness in his eyes, and the weight off Dean from letting it out, the relief of knowing Cas feels the same, has <em> always </em> felt the same . . . for a moment it’s enough to make Dean forget what Cas just said about this being a goodbye.</p><p>But only for a moment.</p><p>There's a sloshing sound behind him.  Dean whirls around to find a slick black slime pouring out of nowhere through the wall.</p><p>He turns back.  “Cas?”</p><p>The door flies open.  Billie’s broken through.</p><p>Dean’s heart drops.  “Don’t do this, Cas.”</p><p>Cas lets out a broken little laugh.  The happiness in his eyes is gone, replaced with resignation.</p><p>“It’s already done.  Goodbye Dean.”</p><p>Cas grips him by the shoulders and just like that he’s on the floor.</p><p>Billie approaches them only to be met by a rush of the slime, then gone in an instant.</p><p>The Shadow stirs, still hungry.</p><p>
  <em> “NO!” </em>
</p><p>Dean launches himself from the ground ahead of another rush of the blackness reaching for Cas, knocking them both to the floor.</p><p>Cas’ eyes go wide, all calm surrender evaporated.  “Dean—”</p><p>“I’m not losing you, not again!”  Now it’s Dean’s turn to start crying.</p><p>The Shadow reaches them on the floor and Cas frantically tries to push Dean off of him.  “Dean, you need to let me go—!”</p><p>“No!”</p><p>The Shadow hisses, trying to rip Cas from Dean’s grip, but Dean won’t budge.  Next it tries to pull Dean off Cas, but Dean just holds on tighter, bringing them chest-to-chest.</p><p>The Shadow snarls.  Dean snarls back:</p><p>
  <b> <em>“YOU CAN’T HAVE HIM!”</em> </b>
</p><p>All at once there’s silence.  Stillness.  For a split second Dean wonders if somehow he won, if he really just saved Cas by having a screaming match with some ancient cosmic being.</p><p>And then he feels a creeping up his back, he sees the black slime slowly crawling over <em> his </em> arms to get to Cas.</p><p>
  <em> “Dean—” </em>
</p><p>Cas’ voice breaks.  He’s terrified and he looks like he’s about to cry again, which is the last thing in the world Dean wants.</p><p>
  <em> I guess it’s now or never. </em>
</p><p>He lays a reassuring hand on Cas’ cheek and goes for the kiss.</p><p>Cas gasps against his lips before grabbing the back of Dean’s head and leaning in, pushing them even closer, kissing back deeper.</p><p>It’s everything Dean ever wanted. If this is the end for real, at least Dean can finally say he died happy.</p><p>Dean savors it to the last second, not pulling away even for air before breathing his last as The Shadow overtakes them both.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Who are you?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.” </em>
</p><p>Dean dreams of Castiel.</p><p>
  <em> “Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks, and our time together.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ve had more fun with you in the last twenty-four hours, than I’ve had with Sam in YEARS!” </em>
</p><p>If Dean were conscious of his body, in this moment he would feel utterly weightless, floating.</p><p>
  <em> “Just leave me, please.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Cas, we’re getting out of here.  We’re going home.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Dean, I can’t—” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m not leaving here without you.” </em>
</p><p>It has been said that souls lost to The Empty slumber in eternal torment, dreaming of their greatest regrets.</p><p>
  <em> “A part of me always believed you’ll come back.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Welcome home, pal.” </em>
</p><p>And yet, as Dean Winchester sleeps, the glimpses of memory that come to him feel warmer, safer.  Almost as if Castiel were shielding him even now.</p><p>Not that Dean’s awake to come to such a conclusion.</p><p>
  <em> “You’re my family.  I love you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You, me—and Sam—we’re just better together.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Like you said, you’re family.  And we don’t leave family behind.” </em>
</p><p>Just as his dreams drift to their family, all at once there’s some kind of . . . <em> noise </em> in the background.  Almost imperceptible, like soft static or a dull ringing in the ears, but just enough of an interference to permeate his reverie.</p><p><em> “Cas I know you’re in there I know you can </em> OVER HERE”</p><p><em> “Cas buddy I </em> NOT GETTING AWAY WITH”</p><p>As the noise gets louder and louder, a blinding light drowns out the visions.</p><p>
  <em> “I need you.” </em>
</p><p>He can see nothing but, still dreaming, feels like he’s being lifted.</p><p>
  <em> “I need you.” </em>
</p><p>Then, just as suddenly, he’s plunged back into darkness, heavy and dreamless.</p><p>
  <em> I need you. </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The first thing Dean consciously registers is that he’s on a hard floor.</p><p>The second thing he registers is voices, but he can only make out bits and pieces of what they’re saying.</p><p>“ . . . definitely alive . . . should be fine . . . waking up any time now, hopefully . . . ”</p><p>Dean pries his eyes open, rubbing at them when they’re assaulted by the fluorescent lighting.  His head hurts.</p><p>A shadow moves over him while he stirs.</p><p>His voice comes out hoarse: “Sammy . . . ”</p><p>“I’m here Dean, you’re safe.”</p><p>As his sight finally focuses, he realizes that Sam looks like he got into a knife fight with an asphalt mixer, dripping with sweat and all covered in scrapes and smears of black.  Then he notices Jack standing over his shoulder and sees that he’s looking equally worse for wear.</p><p>They’re in the Bunker, obviously . . . but, if he’s here, then—</p><p>
  <b> <em>“CAS!”</em> </b>
</p><p>It’s not until Dean jolts upright that he notices the arm draped over him, or the angel attached to it curled up behind him.</p><p>His eyes flutter open.  “Dean?”</p><p>Cas is here.  Cas is <em> alive. </em>  And in that moment he’s as beautiful as the first time Dean ever saw him, and Dean can hardly breathe.</p><p><em> “Cas.” </em>  Dean all but dives into his arms and pulls him into a vice-like hug, not caring to hold back the tears coming on.  Cas, in turn, holds Dean just as tightly.</p><p>They’re each other’s lifelines, anchors in the sea of chaos they’ve weathered thus far together.</p><p>At some point Sam and Jack retreat from the room to give them a moment alone.</p><p>When Dean finally pulls away he fully takes in the sight of Cas.  He doesn’t seem injured, but he’s covered with way more of the weird black shit than Sam or Jack were.  It’s dripping from his hair and his clothes, and actually Dean’s coated in the stuff too now that he’s paying attention, in fact—</p><p>“Shit.”  Dean pulls his hand away from Cas’ left upper arm, leaving an inky handprint on the coat sleeve.  “Sorry.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s fine, I uh,” Cas looks sheepishly at Dean’s opposite shoulder.  “I think I might’ve stained you up too, actually.”</p><p>Sure enough, there’s a matching handprint on the left sleeve of Dean’s jacket, in almost the same spot as that other handprint over a decade ago.  Something about it makes Dean feel warm inside.</p><p>He looks back at Cas.  “Man, we look like hell.”</p><p>“I think we just got back.”  They share a laugh, then fall quiet.</p><p>“ . . . You didn’t have to do that, Dean.”</p><p>“Neither did you.”</p><p>“I was about to die either way.”  Cas swallows and looks away.  “Figured I might as well at least try to save you.”</p><p>Dean lifts a hand to Cas’ chin and gently turns his head to face him again.</p><p>“You’ve already saved me, Cas.  More times than I can even count.”  Dean takes his hand and lifts it near the print Cas left on him, just to prove his point.  Cas seems to relax a little at that, smiling.</p><p>But now Dean’s tensing up, and he inhales sharply.  “Look, Cas, all that stuff you said before, about not being able to have the one thing you wanted, I—”</p><p>His heart jumps to his throat.  He hopes his hands aren’t getting too sweaty and gross.  With a shuddering breath he continues.</p><p>“ . . . You’re not the only one who felt that way.  I, I know I’ve liked you, <em> loved you </em> longer than I can even pinpoint, but . . . I didn’t think there was a chance in Heaven or Hell that you’d ever like me back like that.”</p><p>“Why not?”  Cas cocks his head, making that same old confused puppy expression that melts Dean’s heart every time.  “After all this time, did you think I still couldn’t feel love the same way?”</p><p>“Well, at first yeah, way way back, but then even whenever you did date people it was always chicks.”  Dean lets out a nervous chuckle and scratches the nape of his neck.</p><p>“ . . . And, if we’re really being honest, I guess I had some baggage about that too, on my end.”  He meets Cas’ gaze.  “Not just liking chicks, I mean.”  It feels so silly and insignificant now, with everything out in the open.</p><p>“But Cas—”  Dean intertwines their fingers.  “I don’t <em> ever </em> want you to feel like you can’t have me.  I love you so, so much and you’re my best friend and, and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather be with for . . . for forever, I guess, if you’ll have me that long.”</p><p>Cas looks down at their interlocked hands.  “Forever, hm?”  He squeezes Dean’s hand, then leans forward to touch their foreheads together.  “Forever sounds nice.  I think we can make forever work.”</p><p>Dean shuts his eyes and sighs contentedly, and they sit like that for a minute.</p><p>They don’t know what the future holds, still don’t know how Team Free Will is going to stop Chuck and fix all the destruction he’s already caused, and yet . . . there’s something reassuring about the promise of forever, the knowledge that time will keep moving forward towards forever no matter what happens.  And if things go belly-up, hey, Death’s already failed to part them at least once.</p><p>Dean opens his eyes again.  He leans in even closer to Cas and drops his voice to a husky whisper.  “What do you say we get ourselves cleaned up?”</p><p>Cas bursts into laughter and it’s the most beautiful sound, beautiful as the blush now lighting up his cheeks.  “As long as you can help me out of these dirty clothes first.”</p><p>Dean smiles.  “Think that can be arranged.”  He grabs Cas’ other hand so they can help each other up off the floor.</p><p>Together, they rise.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As previously mentioned, this grand experiment was inspired by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEcmCZUHUQa/">this fanart</a> by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/flowersforcas/">@flowersforcas</a>, so special thanks to her for creating such a beautifully ominous drawing that refused to leave my thoughts.</p><p>Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Every Moment I Treasure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A soft epilogue, because Dean and Cas deserve it.  Canon divergent (again) after 15x19 Inherit the Earth.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy 1 Month Anniversary of Canon Destiel y'all, I fast-tracked getting this part done just for the occasion!  Thanks for coming along on this ride with me and I hope y'all enjoy the ending!  :D</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The lake is calm and peaceful, like a scene out of a dream Dean had once.  He still can’t quite believe that this time it’s real, that this is his life now.</p><p>He senses his fiancé coming up the little pier before he even hears the footsteps, and looks behind him.  “Hey.”</p><p>“Sorry I was gone so long.”</p><p>Dean laughs at that.  “It’s only been a few hours, Cas.”  He gets up from his chair to meet him.  “Or does time work differently topside?”</p><p>“The flow of time in Heaven is . . . confusing, to say the least.”  He lets Dean pull him into a hug while he rambles.  “Sometimes it’s the same as here, other times you blink and on Earth already <em> forty years </em> have—”  He breaks off with a shudder as Dean kisses that one spot on his neck that never fails to make him weak in all the right ways.</p><p>Cas notices the fishing gear spread out at the end of the dock.  “Catch anything while I was gone?”</p><p>“Not really.”  Dean lazily rests his chin on Cas’ shoulder.  “Been a pretty slow day out here.  How ‘bout yours?”</p><p>“Far from slow.”  Cas chuckles, deep and warm.  “Jack released Amara, and she helped him to destroy The Empty completely.  Everyone and everything that was ever trapped there is free now.”</p><p>Alarm bells should be going off in Dean’s head if <em> “everything” </em> includes every demon he and Sam ever killed, but he’s in too much of a good mood to worry at the moment, and either way something tells him that Jack will have a better handle on limiting their mayhem then Chuck ever did.  He pulls away to look at Cas.  “Must’ve been like a big ol’ family reunion up there then, huh?”</p><p>“Something like that.  Gabriel and Anna both sent congratulations on the engagement—”</p><p>“What about that Balthazar buddy of yours?”</p><p>“He just said that it ‘<em>took you long enough!’” </em>  They both laugh.</p><p>“And uh, Michael was there too, and, he at least <em> claimed </em> to be sorry for double-crossing us in the end.  He says he thought that getting back in Chuck’s good graces might’ve gotten him to bring Adam back.”</p><p>Well Chuck’s human now, and Dean was just texting with Adam a little while ago, so it’s all water under the bridge at this point.  Dean reaches to take Cas’ hand.  “The things we do for love, am I right?”  Cas smiles and laces their fingers together.</p><p>“ . . . Anyway, with all the angels back to power Heaven again, Jack was able to rebuild it.  Tore down all the walls keeping everyone isolated in their old memories, and he got rid of the dungeon too.  Now everyone can properly see their loved ones again and build their own paradises.  He, uh—”</p><p>Cas glances away, blushing a little.  “He actually asked me, personally, to help him fix Heaven.”</p><p>Dean beams at his angel.</p><p>“I think that, whenever your time ultimately comes for real, you’ll like it a lot better now than last time you were there,” Cas finishes.  Dean leans in close and kisses his cheek.</p><p>“I’m already there, Cas.”</p><p>They stay there on the pier for a while in each other’s embrace, cherishing the new life they’ve built together, the life they have ahead of them.</p><p>Finally, finally, they’re at peace.</p>
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